Saturday, January 23, 2010

brain malfunction

I think there's something wrong with my way of thinking.,---no..there really is! LOL

I should change that..or, I'll be like this forever ne?..

Oniisan and I went to our HS organization last night. Actually, I had no plans of attending---but I couldn't refuse my brother could I? hahaha..(I dunno, when it comes to Onii, I just can't refuse..maybe because we're really close..brother&sister, bestfriends, dad&daughter..)
I thought, "why should I attend?" To be frank, there are faces I don't want to see, not because they did something to me..it's just what I felt. I thought my old friends won't approach me like they used to..but I was wrong..I was the one putting a large wall between us..それは私の頭の中で、すべての..
*bangs head against the wall* I should change this..tsk tsk.
Anyway..I was happy! I saw them again..especially my former classmate Alex, he's one of the guys who are were close to me back then. I went out of the room to give him a big hug and greeting, but Onii and the others were there..they were all looking at us..I did greet but not hugged.. LOL
Andy wasn't there..>,< she needed sleep 'coz her job's night shift..

This morning, Mom & Dad talked to me about me..they said I was always thinking negatively, that I'm not confident..
I'm not! Actually, right now..I'm really scared to face the real world alone. I want to tell them that I need them, their love and support to make me stronger. I want to tell them all the things in my head...
Just like the other day...after a long day of job-hunting..I wanted to hug them tight and cry..cry to the point my frustrations are forgotten.
ahhh..神-さま..

I want to give them a better life, so I have to be stronger. In the future, if I've fulfilled my dream for my family (including my little brother Ichigo ☺), maybe our bond will strengthen.

P.S. I heard TVXQ's okay now with SME..^_^ yoshi!---then it means, they will not disband!! *BANZAI*

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