Thursday, July 21, 2011

Cold and Heartless

Home is where you can find the people whom you care for more than anything else. It's a place where love can be found. Despite the difficulty of life...just open the door and you'll find smiles, hugs, laughter, and tears...which make you forget about this cruel world for a while.
But sometimes...its the place that gives us scars so deep that we bring it our graves.

There's someone in my home who's been hurting me..had been..we've been ignoring each other for days now. Maybe it doesn't know how harsh its words were..i mean----all the words it uses--it just comes out of its mind uncontrollably..or maybe it does know--its just too selfish---too spoiled.
As for me, yes, I am reckless and stubborn at times... I'm human. When you just had enough of the things around---your chest explodes---which makes you do things that may hurt others. But I won't let myself act recklessly without thinking even just a little bit about the stupid thing I'll do/say . I never liked debate. My mind is always slow in thinking---I know if I blab without a script formed in my head..the words that would come out from my mouth would be nonsense, out of topic, or worse---- below the belt.
The day we had an argument..i was in the right mind----i really meant what i said, and I'm not regretful about it. The anger in me was about to fade that day...I thought it realized what i wanted to make it realize. I was wrong. It called me stupid----and asshole in one blow behind my back. (add "brainless" and "servant") It even told a few about what happened----hoping those people would take it's side. I don't care.
It's funny, it buys food to make me envious..chocolates, ice cream, etc. I didn't give in..and I won't give in. I'm too upset to think about those. I've not been touching the food it bought---even the ones before we argued. I wanna show it I can survive without it. I can live on my own...I just don't want to hurt Mom and Dad, 'coz I've had hurt them so much already.

Sorry Lord, I've sinned again, but my pride won't let me take the first step to end this argument. I just fear that this would hinder our plans for the family. It's okay if it won't care for me nor support me---let alone Mum and Dad. I'd be happy.