I think there's something wrong with my way of thinking.,---no..there really is! LOL
I should change that..or, I'll be like this forever ne?..
Oniisan and I went to our HS organization last night. Actually, I had no plans of attending---but I couldn't refuse my brother could I? hahaha..(I dunno, when it comes to Onii, I just can't refuse..maybe because we're really close..brother&sister, bestfriends, dad&daughter..)
I thought, "why should I attend?" To be frank, there are faces I don't want to see, not because they did something to me..it's just what I felt. I thought my old friends won't approach me like they used to..but I was wrong..I was the one putting a large wall between us..それは私の頭の中で、すべての..
*bangs head against the wall* I should change this..tsk tsk.
Anyway..I was happy! I saw them again..especially my former classmate Alex, he's one of the guys who are were close to me back then. I went out of the room to give him a big hug and greeting, but Onii and the others were there..they were all looking at us..I did greet but not hugged.. LOL
Andy wasn't there..>,< she needed sleep 'coz her job's night shift..
This morning, Mom & Dad talked to me about me..they said I was always thinking negatively, that I'm not confident..
I'm not! Actually, right now..I'm really scared to face the real world alone. I want to tell them that I need them, their love and support to make me stronger. I want to tell them all the things in my head...
Just like the other day...after a long day of job-hunting..I wanted to hug them tight and cry..cry to the point my frustrations are forgotten.
I want to give them a better life, so I have to be stronger. In the future, if I've fulfilled my dream for my family (including my little brother Ichigo ☺), maybe our bond will strengthen.
P.S. I heard TVXQ's okay now with SME..^_^ yoshi!---then it means, they will not disband!! *BANZAI*
ごめんね. 本当にごめんなさい! 私はもうないのか分からない . どうすればいいですか？ Ahh..Even though I think I can surpass anything, why do I feel so helpless? ♫I guess it's just a helpless night..a helpless night, a helpless night.♫ Haha, with my future falling to pieces, i can still smile; i can still fool around..*sigh*
Most of the people surrounding me pull me down. Is that part of your challenge?--if so...I can take it! *Aja Aja Fighting!*
I just don't know if I'll continue fighting for my dream..my heart, mind, and soul----they are arguing a lot these days..
My Heart said it's tired..so just dream a simple life. A house for Mom & Dad, food for everday, being happy everyday.
My Mind said it's going crazy..it can't continue to think of ways to reach my dream..it supports my heart..
But my Soul keeps the faith. That no matter how big & impossible my dream may be..there's always a way.
I pray for forgiveness..I've been a mean imoto/musume/tomodachi..I've been selfish just for my dreams.
Now, i still don't know what will be the next step..whatever happens,よろしくおねがいします.
I really felt so down not the entire day---but 3/4s of it..lol
Well, Andy and I was off job-hunting..and our first stop was the "RCBC plaza"..
So she went to my house and picked me up----and did some make-overs ..lol. Rode a jeepney to the place where we're supposed to go. It seemed Andy was hallucinating, 'coz she thought we already passed by her "landmark"..so---we told the driver to stop, and there--we went down the vehicle and looked around-------Yep---not there yet! ahahahahahahaah!!!
We decided to walk from there since it's near....(was it??----it's NOT!) lol..
(Take Note!!: we we're wearing stiletto heels!!---the killer shoe)..I tell you--it's really tiring!!
and our feet were like being grinded each step!
Of course, while walking---we were having small talks....what's funny was..
every word coming out from our mouths comes out with air..with short breaths..
"Yhouh khnohw hhhyyahnnneehhh.,hlleeehhttshh gho dohhwnh thhhe hunnhdderrr hhhh passhhh hhh"
"hhyyyeeaahhh haaayy thhiihhnkhh hweee shhhhohoouulldh"
Ahhhh..the cruel part was...when we finally reached our destination..the receptionist didn't let us in without knowing the name of the company we're applying for!..(who would?---ahahahahaha)
so I told Andy, we should find a Payphone or an internet shop---just to ask Mom about the company.
(the heeeeellsssssss!!! itai! itai! itaaaiiiii!!)
Another problem?--there was no payphone around , nor an i-net shop! (how lucky ne? ahahaha)
We found one, but it took us an hour ..(already changed from heels to flats....we really couldn't take it any longer! XD)
After getting the info we needed..we returned to RCBC..*sigh..finally*.
We went to the Comfort room to do some re-touching.---Wore the heels again----yoshi..time to present ourselves!
This time, the receptionist allowed us...*triumphant laugh*..When we reached the 43rd floor..and the office;
the employee greeted us with a smile------"I'm sorry, but we're not hiring employees. The company didn't give a go signal."
WHAAAAAAAAA! all we could do that time was look at each other,.
We didn't even get a chance to apply to other offices for the sun's about to set..In short-----We didn't accomplish anything.
But. as we we're on our way to SM..we listened to Andy's mp3. *poof* our moods changed for a while..
who wouldn't?---"O jung ban hap" was playing!..and after that, "proud", "always there", "tonight"..awwww these boys could make us smile ne?..lol (a blissful feeling for about 20-25 minutes..).
When we reached SM,.Andy asked me if I want to eat anything.,I answered no, 'coz my tummy's not feeling well, and I didn't have the appetite. We strolled around for a while, and then went home....
(my feet was shouting for vacation...lol..Andy's used to wearing heels, but her feet ached as well..)----the effect on me was twice as hers..
I hope something good will happen this week..^^ *hoping*fighting*
Omo..why did God create a seductive angel like this!? Forgive me for I have sinned..
Hahahaha--because of Tohoshinki, I think I became a pervert!! (points finger at YunJae) lol
I accidentally saw this video at "DBSKsleeplessNights" site, I swear----I was searching for "All About DBSK Seasons 1-3 DVD" downloads..and this..*nosebleeds**arrrrgghhh*
JJ should stop doing those..or else..my perverted side would dominate my personality..(is it a bad thing?? lol)-----well, at least..he's not as sexy as Yunho (sorry JJ,.lol)..if you've seen their 4th live tour Secret Code Concert..and you've watched them perform the song "9095"-----I swear Yunho's uber HOOTTTT!!..
(pardon my swearing---for my eyes witnessed sinful acts *ROFL*)
*looks around* Where's JJ??-----I'm cheating I'm cheating..so go on, ride a plane and catch me--go mad...
<<*sigh*---I'm in a fangurl state again..>>
今どこにいる？私がだまされた ..待っています ..LOL..大好き!!!
if ever God will give me a chance to say something to you..面と向かって 彼に伝えたい.."thank you for the inspiration..thank you for the cheers and tears,thank you for existing.."
If you guys think I'm crazy------I think I am..lol----this guy made me what I am now..so blame him! lol
but without this guy..I'd be a goner..---lifeless..
After watching "Itazura na Kiss" an hour ago..I took a shower..ahhhh kimochi!! ^_^
I watched it from beginning to end..hima desu kara na..besides, I'm planning to have my picture taken today for my resume..Uh-huh..I'm going to make myself busy with work----so I could earn & save lots for my future..I'll not have enough time to relax nor sit all day.
As of now, I have to prepare myself for upcoming interviews..You see..I'm not good with the English language-----(even with our own language.,). I am thinking that I should try to be a call-center agent; even though I'm not good expressing my thoughts through speaking..I should try ne?.I admit I was rejected by a certain call-center company because my English wasn't good. Hah!---who cares? I know I gave my best that time. I always give my best shot. 諦めないで!! *Fighting*
Waahhh ganbarimasu yo! No matter how many times I get rejected..ganbarimasu! I have to graduate from College so I could find a stable job too..そして..私 の 慶び を 見つけて 欲しい'ん です. Not just for my sake but for my family as well.
But you know..even if I sound stupid ..I'm still waiting for my Aunt's call saying "Ne, your departure will be tomorrow..so get ready!" --The reason I'm having second thoughts about this job hunting thing.
ahhhh.. 如何するかい?---私 の プリンスチャーミング は どこ か な..**looks around** JJ どこ? lol ----uh-oh..my imagination's at it again..ahh..whatever!
Anyway, later..I'll be heading to Belle's house..we're gonna watch KAT-TUN's Break the Record concert..^_^ ..and then..talk about our evil plans..wohohohoho..
Come to think of it.,Aihara Kotoko and I have something in common..our lives revolve around 1 person..
our difference is..hers is reality..and mine's just an illusion. けど さ..かまわない よ..as long as my world's moving..as long as I have this drive to chase after my dreams..
Last night..I heard from someone that I am snob; that I ignored her friend's son..am I? Well, I have my own world back in highschool..lol. he was never my classmate..just a schoolmate,
and I was afraid of boys..Whenever some guy approaches me, I get stiff and my aura's yelling "don't come near me!"..Maybe they sensed that..I got rid 60% of that fear out of me..To tell you the truth..I'm afraid to get hurt..この 痛み は もう いい です よ..I can take more, but this time isnt the right time..I asked God to give them to me gradually..someday..maybe i'll be ready to be in a relationship..for now, i need to know how cruel this world can be..
I was thinking about my plans throughout 2009..so this 2010, it's time for some action! *yayaya* lol.
Like the others my family & relatives stayed at home for new year's eve. Dad cooked the our traditional foods every occassion--which are spaghetti, fried chicken, and buko salad (only during xmas & new year)..Dad has always been the chef during holidays..(yumyum--my Dad's spaghetti, buko salad, and gelatin are the best). Mom cleaned the house and bought ingredients for Dad..
As for me..I bought 10pcs of buko thursday morning, helped Mom and Dad a little..slept and woke up before the countdown. (I haven't had enough sleep yet 'coz my cousin and I had a drama marathon the night before Media Noche)..
I never thought 2010 would suprise me with a BANG..but it did..
It's been a tradition to make loud noises, light fireworks & firecrackers, blow horns, etc when the clock strikes 12am..No no no.you could never make me light any firecrackers . I am scared to get injured with it. Fireworks are beautiful with all its different colors, and how it explodes on mid-air..
During christmas, I've already decided that I will never take a single step out of the house. lol
But then, right after the countdown, I thought why not join the folks outside for a while..it's New year's eve anyway..i'm not gonna spoil the "new year" atmosphere..lol
So there..I went outside..I stood by our compound's gate..beside my pregnant cousin--Marfs-neesan..(she too came out with the same reason as mine.)
We were watching the others lighting fireworks..and yeah, the sky looked amazing. ^^
As my cousin lit a batch of fireworks..something went wrong and one came flying towards us. The moment it exploded, it felt like I was hit on the head, and my ears heard long piercing sound. Without thinking, I looked at Marfs-neesan..I was worried of course!--She's pregnant..thank God her injury wasn't bad as her younger sister's..Via has wounds on her right arm and on her tummy while Marfs-ne has on her left thigh..Me?---I got hit yes..just a little wound at my left elbow., (and because of that..my brother laughed at me..I was supposed to be as worse as Via..'coz the explosion was between us. Onii-san said I am thick-skinned..lol)
We went to the hospital for Tetanus Toxoid injection..we were there for about 5 hours..
That's how 2010 surprised us..with a BANG..lol it's not funny.but i find it amusing..
Just like last Nov.04, 2007..we had a vehicular accident..in the end I only had small abrassion and puncture..
when we were brought to the hospital..the ER doctors even mistook me as a relative and told me to go out because the ER's getting crowded..lol
I told him "uhmm..I'm a patient too.." then I showed him my bleeding leg.. he just looked at me and continued with what he was doing..
I think I am unfortunately lucky /coz I always find myself in unfortunate situations..lucky 'coz I get to survive with just scratches..small wounds and bruises..Thank God for that..ほんとう に ありがとう !
I hope 2010 will be a great year despite this unfortunate beginning..*fighting*